Choose Your Own Adventure

Use the stop sign to bash in the doorknob and the other side the grey steel part to splinter the door

employ classical video game logic, empty inventory spaces are for everything not nailed down, store CHAIR in one of your open slots, you never know when you might need it later

Light the stop sign on fire and use it as a giant torch slash weapon. While tying the chair onto your back with the rope to carry it along with you.

Walk around the room trying to find a light switch to turn on, most likely walking into things in the room as you do this.

You decide the most logical thing to do right now would be to try the door. It could shed some light onto the nature of your capture. At the very least, it should shed some light on this room. God that sounded lame...



Consarnit, Locked! I suppose you should have seen this coming. Everything's gotta be the hard way.



You open your Inventory. Maybe something of yours can get you through this door.



But the chair... It beckons! Might as well take it I suppose. You have room and who knows, it could come in handy. You could be struck with a case of the vapors at any given moment.
You think a good thwack or two from your Stop Sign should knock the door ajar. Or three thwacks. It could take three.



Having wasted enough time in the dark already, you raise your mighty weapon high and deliver a witty one liner. Probably something about stopping something. You don't know, your not very good at one liners. "Stop chop and roll" maybe? Whatever, the point is that your hitting the door with a stop sign.



The rom is flooded with light as an old man opens the door to check on you, having heard your shenanigans.



And is thwacked good with the business end of your stop sign.



The old man tumbles backward down the stairs and into the basement.



With only one thwack, the old man is down for the count!



Oops.

Run down the stairs and check if the old man is alright!!! He could've broken something!

stab him with the stop sign to ensure that he won't talk. Then escape, fish a fish and send a fish along with the head of the old man to make the other people of the house understand that "The old man sleeps with the fishes"

Use the stop sign like a snowboard to go down the stairs and then use the chair to put on top of the old man. Sit on said chair and check if he is okay. Since he's most likely knocked out, use the rope to bind him. Once he wakes up take a puff of your cigar and torture him withe the lighters until he give you your answers.

since you have a free inventory slot, equip the comatose old man, for safe keeping

Drag the old man away and steal whatever he has

Take the old man's beard and equip it to face slot. He's probably dead, he won't need it. If he wakes up, improvise.

Now that the room has been lit up, you take the opportunity to gander about the room. My God, it's...



IT'S...



Pretty much completely empty. Lame! The only thing of any interest is that pull string, but that's so high up that you might as well forget about it.
But wait! What of the old man? You have to check on him, he may have broken something!



You rush down the stairs to check on the old man's condition, you feel a pulse and he's breathing normally however you notice a steady trickle of blood leaking from a wound on the top of his head. A man of his age should learn to be more careful on stair cases, you think, and he really aught to be wearing a Life Alert.
You suppose you won't be able to interrogate him for now, he's out like a candle. But you can look for clues, you take the opportunity to gander about the room.



My God, it's...



IT'S...



The most beautiful thing you have ever seen! The talent and work that went into this work of pure genius must have been staggering. You can only imagine what creativity was required for this visionary masterpiece. You can practically see the artists struggle in the, almost too life like, face of this man. He puts on a look of contentment, but you can see that behind those eyes is a tortured soul, yearning for purpose. For reason. You also think that the pipe represents the war in Iraq or something.



Around that portrait are several other, in you opinion lesser, portraits. Two of them seem to have been taped over with lovely pictures of Owen Wilson. Who are these people and why does this man have their pictures in his basement?



Taking a greater gander, you see that this room is not to well furnished either. You see a dirty mattress in front of a wall with what looks like a lever on it, and a large chest. The floor and walls are littered with aged newspapers.

try to break off the lever to use it as prybar for the chest. If that's too hard, try pulling the lever. Then catch your breath resting on that perfectly homey mattress.

well... this dosent take a genius... pull the shit out of that lever! Open that chest! TAKE EVERYTHING THAT ISNT NAILED DOWN!!!

Check if the chest is locked, if it's not check out the stuff inside and try to find something you might need. Then go and pull the lever down.

Try to open the chest, if so then drag the old man into it.

Open the chest, take all the items then pull the man onto the bed. For gods sake man you knocked him out, the least you could so is provide him this little amount of comfort. Once he's in position use his head as a step stool to reach the lever and pull on it, it looks kind of high up after all.

Read the newspapers...See if there's anything that could help you figure out why you are here. If not, just read the funnies.

You lay the dear sweet old man of undetermined significance on his filthy mattress. You are being awfully kind to the this guy, considering he may have kidnapped you for a sinister purpose. That's why you're the hero, I suppose.



You go around the room to take everything not nailed down, but as it would turn out this guy has literally nailed everything down. Even his papers, guess you won't be reading the funnys...



You check the chest which is locked. Of course it's locked, why wouldn't it be locked? It's also nailed down, in case you were wondering.



But you have an idea! If you break off the lever maybe you can use it to pry open the chest. You go to do that, but you just end up pulling it. It doesn't break at all.



Everything begins to rumble and you hear a loud noise coming from outside. It sounds like "VVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Whatever the fuck that's supposed to convey.



Although, you should probably check it out.

Go south from the house, into the nearby Forest (it is south, right?) and climb whatever tree seems particularly large. There might be a jewel-encrusted egg up in a theoretical bird's nest. That shit is worth hypothetical bank.

That elevator(?) can wait.

Try to find a way out of the house and approach the mysterious metallic cylinder, then examine it.

Search the guy for the key, it would be silly for him to have a locked chest in his room if he didn't have the key for it. After the search and looting of the chest go outside and to the outside edge of the forest. Take a big pointy stick and save it, repeat until a good supply of weapon grade sticks are in your possession. Once that is done go to the strange metal thing sticking out of the ground and examine it thoroughly....Poke it with a stick if you must!

you probably still dont have a way out of the room unfortunately, however there are some spare nails over there, perhaps you could construct a makeshift lockpick form one of them?

(Hehehe... Owen Wilson...)

==> stab the spare nails into your eyes for irony... Well, not really irony but more just for the hell of it

or, the more rational one

==> Go outside to investigate the noise. If the pod is closed punch it a few times and if that doesn't work go back inside and drag the man to the pod, if it needs anything like voice recognition (you'll be waiting awhile for him to wake up though...) or any of that scientific mumbo jumbo.

Steal the crow bar conveniently under the old man and then jump out the wind that was behind the sexy pictures and hit the door with the crowbar