Life problems and psychological trap thread. Enter at your own risk.

Trap of Despair

When one becomes trapped it can only lead to true despair. How can I give my friends the time they deserve if our only available time together is through school? How can I give my devotion to God when I wake up at 7:05, leave at 7:40, start school at get back at 5:30, and go to bed at 10:30? I use my mornings to prepare to the day. I cannot focus in the bus environments to do work. I cannot do all my work at school because I have to focus on that class specifically. Not only do my environmental and temporal constraints trap me, but my duties and responsibilities as pastor-in-training Logan Elias Arnold, age 16, Male, possible-marine, and Doctor-in-training as an engineer certified by MIT require me to keep myself healthy, and active. In my father's impairment, I must pick up his slack. I have to maintain the household now. Soon, he won't be able to drive. Soon, he won't be able to cook. He already can't work anymore. I have too much. I cannot handle the stress of all three. I can handle school and home, home and work, or work and school, but not all three. My new job is everything Dad did before. My responsibilities include yard work, cleaning, cooking, housework, and etc. i only have 5 hours to complete these tasks, let along the work from 2 honors classes, 3 AP classes, PE/Track fitness, Band, and STEM III. I cannot be multiple places at once doing things of equal importance. I need entertainment in order to vent and cope with the stress, but I don't have time for my responsibilities let along entertainment. I am in a psychological trap: an ultimatum. Unlike the ultimatums women put you through to test you, this ultimatum has to many complications. This ultimatum have several variables, unknown factors, equal values, as in importance, and can only result in sacrifice and pain in any and every option. Have no assist. I have a grandmother whom I love as my grandmother but hate as a person, a mother who makes me want to off myself, a father getting closer and closer to death, a grandfather that already died, sisters that have been pushed away from me by my step-grandparent-in-laws, backwards-belief christian bigot step-grandparent-in-laws, friends who cannot help or console me, and a religion that currently isn't helping. Typically, in my shoes there are 5 paths. The path of escape: the path of using drugs to replace responsibilities with stress relief. The path of sacrifice: the path of hurting yourself and everyone else to accomplish your goals. The path of failure: the unending loop of the ultimatum causing complete and utter failure. The path of death: committing suicide. Finally, the path of despair: succeeding on everything you can hold, while loosing others and yourself in the drift. I can see no other paths. What paths can I follow? Is this a psychological masochist-chamber? What can I do? No path leads to success. I'll lose something. My friends, my family, my life, my future, or my mind. I'd die for my friends or family, but I want to live and have a great future and I fear more than anything else that I lose my mind. I cannot progress. What can I do? For the first time in my life, I cannot accept this reality. This cannot be real. The must be something different. How can it be real? If this is real, nothing will turn out alright. Everyone says it will be alright. How can this be real if it will be alright? If it isn't real, why can't I ignore it and move on? If it isn't real, why does it cause me pain? There are no answers, so what should I do? I panic. Can I do anything else? I think I am losing everything that is myself, and I am watching others I rely on go through the same pains. How can I help them if I can't help myself? How?

I know this is a hard time for you man and I don't know exactly what to say but I'm going to try and give some advice. First and foremost life is a series of failures and tragedy that we hope to culminate into greatness. There is sacrifice and pain as you already know as well as the lack of forgiveness the universe supplies. You said your religion has offered no reliefe which I have found to be a common trend in these situations even though I don't beleive in any religion I do think that if their where a God he couldn't give us the answer this is a journey of realization. Some would say a test of faith others calling bullshit and bad luck. I think what you need to do is sit down and think about what is truly important to you. Your a bright kid from what I can tell being forced to grow up quick and hard. If it was me I'd say school and home are more important than a job. You need to talk to your mom about this and explain how you feel. She is an adult and presumably reasonable so she may be able to help you. Time and death are 2 forces that absolutely wait for no one. It's harsh but it's happening and you can't change it most likely. Finish out school focuse and make something if yourself then you can work. Take the responsibilities of home and do them since they have to and need to be done. Most importantly in combination with this I'd say to pray every day and have faith God will carry you through. Though I'm not religious I will knock no one for having a relationship with God. This is the best I can really think to say I hope it helps at least a bit I'm sorry if it doesn't.