| | Doragon D. Blaze |  |
|
|
| Author | Message |
|---|
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| Subject: Doragon D. Blaze  Sun Apr 03, 2011 2:50 pm | |
|
Last edited by BLiIx on Sat May 28, 2011 4:38 am; edited 35 times in total | |
|
| | |
GoreFish
Posts : 2909
Join date : 2010-05-01
Age : 30
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Sun Apr 03, 2011 3:52 pm | |
| 1. MUCH too short. Add to appearance, history, personality...
2. No "He looks like...." sentences, please.
3. Really, work on the grammar and spelling and use full sentences.
4. No "Like this devilfruit but better....", also, you should get the df approved if it isn't canon. In this case, don't, since it's against the rules anyway. | |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:02 pm | |
| Thank you im not that good at english so sorry im gonna edit the mistakes right now  and btw where do i use Like this devilfruit but better ??? the df is in the real one piece series but its not know what can transform int osrpings its just known that his anckles can but people say all of this i count can transform into spring | |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:06 pm | |
| But history i dont know how to make it bigger its all told what i had in mind and personality i think its good like that cause this is how people know him they dont know nothink just that he is mysterious if this is still a problem plz tell me im new here :S  | |
|
| | |
Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Sun Apr 03, 2011 4:29 pm | |
| Please add much more to personality. Mysterious plus one fractured sentence is not good enough. Appearance could also be improved. |
|
| | |
GoreFish
Posts : 2909
Join date : 2010-05-01
Age : 30
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:52 am | |
| Add detail. You could describe how things went down exactly. Also, for personality. No one has just one chracteristic for that, no matter how mysterious they are. For example, he might be quiet, shy, cold, arrogant, solitary....
Just look at some other sheets for an idea of what I mean, if they're approved then they should be fine. | |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:35 am | |
| | |
|
| | |
keymaster
Posts : 4636
Join date : 2008-09-10
Age : 31
Location : Oh, out and about. Hither and Thither.
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:32 pm | |
| Personality is improving, appearance is acceptable (at least to my knowledge) and backstory is okay length.
Just add like...one last thing to personality. Like....Outgoing, or Idealist, etc.
Otherwise I'm sure everything is okay, no? | |
|
| | |
Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:41 pm | |
| Personality is still far too short. A personality should give a far insight into a character, not a list of traits. |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:14 am | |
| Okay so i edited the personality i think its okay ? | |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Tue Apr 05, 2011 7:22 am | |
| I need approve... if its still not okay then tell me  | |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Thu Apr 07, 2011 8:31 am | |
| can i please get my character approved!? | |
|
| | |
GoreFish
Posts : 2909
Join date : 2010-05-01
Age : 30
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:26 pm | |
| Have a little patience, please... I know it takes long sometimes.
I'd still like you to add more to personality. And maybe a sentence or two to appearance, just stating his height and stuff, since you really can't tell from the picture. Your grammar is still... But you're still learning, right?
And other than that, I guess it's fine. | |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Thu Apr 07, 2011 2:35 pm | |
| Oke ... yea I just cant wai to start my first charaacter yea im still learning english... i added apearance and personality. Thank you | |
|
| | |
GoreFish
Posts : 2909
Join date : 2010-05-01
Age : 30
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Thu Apr 07, 2011 3:13 pm | |
| APPROVED.... Writing here should give you a lot of opportunities to practice your english. | |
|
| | |
nikz200
Posts : 7605
Join date : 2010-02-19
Age : 34
Location : Malaysia
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Tue May 10, 2011 2:33 pm | |
| | |
|
| | |
BLiIx
Posts : 406
Join date : 2011-04-03
Age : 27
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze Sat May 28, 2011 4:38 am | |
| | |
|
| | |
Sponsored content
| | Subject: Re: Doragon D. Blaze | |
| |
|
| | |
| | Doragon D. Blaze | |
|
