"Roze of the Stars" preview [open to comments/feedback]

This is a sample of the story I'm working on called "Roze of the Stars", based on a character I made in the "Phantasy Star" game series. Setting is only very VERY loosely that of the game series, I've tried to stray from it a bit. Anyways, it's still a WIP, I'm maybe halfway done or so.
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A long ways away, in a solar system untouched by the outside, were several planets around one great star, Rigil Kentaurus. The planet’s names were Belda, Greigir, Xandoss and the inhospitable yet quickly changing planet Rynte. Among its inhabitants were a race similar to humans, known as “Alphas”, being the first race to evolve to sentience, a reptilian humanoid race called “Betas”, being the second, and a fragile but fast-learning and wise race named “Gammas”, being the youngest. They all lived together in relative peace, until a group made advanced AI war robots named “Omegas”, thought to be the end of life. After a fierce war, the Omegas were defeated and the organization, Xi, was arrested or had gone missing. Some 200 years later, we find this solar system, Hydron, in relative normalcy and peace. Our specific story starts on the urban city of Xandoss, in the commercial district. Here we shall find Hydron’s new savior.
A woman was walking down the floating sidewalks of Xandoss, seeming to go somewhere. For earth her appearance was like a movie costume but she was wearing common clothing. She was tall and slender, her body having slight curves apart from her thin hourglass midriff. On her long slim legs were black casual shoes lined with thin neon purple, with black stockings going up to her knees, over her hips was a pair of black-and-gray short-shorts, on her chest a black-and-green half shirt. Over all of this was a long, open jacket. Her clothing made her fit into the dark night illuminated by the city lights, neon signs and brightly coloured holographic screens airing advertisements. On she walked, looking for something in particular, definitely not something plastic. She stopped in front of a brightly lit building with a holographic sign above the door, in bright colours reading
Wei-ron’s Bar
Come in for a cold drink
She walked towards the door when two large Beta men came out in dark almost menacing uniforms. One lowered his lizard-like head to eye-level with her, only a short distance.
“Who’re you?” he growled.
The woman pushed up her glasses, her face not changing from a cold, confident stare. “A valuable customer of your establishment.”
The Betas raised their heads and laughed. “Nice words, but we need to see ID.” They said in unison.
She flicked her wrist and one of her bracelets making a small flash of light, in her hand materialized a card. She handed it to them. He examined it

ID No. 33847
Frelia Roze, Age 23
Sex: Female
Race: Alpha
Blood Type: O
Occupation: ---
The Beta on the right snickered. “No occupation, ey? Well if you’ve got money go inside.” Frelia nodded, taking her ID card and proceeded inside obviously annoyed at the wasted time.
Inside it was a ruckus, people talking, cheering on their favorite team on the screens, or just drunken banter. Frelia sighed and attempted to tune it all out as she made her way to the main bar. There were a few friends talking, some poor souls downing their misery, but one man looking just like a drifter, or maybe he just looked to suspicious. Without hesitation Frelia approached him.
“Excuse me sir, I’d like to ask a few questions.”
“Sure hon, ask away. But remember every man has his price hehe~”
“Right……well, do you know of any jobs for a freelance mercenary nearby?”
“Check the industrial district, several hundred levels down, just above the surface district. If you’re brave go to the surface district, you’re bound to find someone hiring.”
“Thank you. Next question: do you know anything of Xi?”

I love your stories

Awww, thanks!

Should I post the link to my blog or is that advertisement?

its not advertizement because it pertains, also you should post a link to your blog anyway so people can read all your wonderfull stories

Awww, thanks. I'll do that.